Goldman Pirates...

[Aldeburgh]

NORFOLK, VIRGINIA Eleven indicted Somali pirates dropped a bombshell in a U.S. court today, revealing that their entire piracy operation is a subsidiary of banking giant Goldman Sachs. There was an audible gasp in the courtroom when the leader of the pirates announced,

"We work for Lloyd Blankfein. We are doing Gods work."


The pirate, who said he earned a bonus of $48 million in doubloons last year, elaborated on the nature of the Somalis work for Goldman. He explained that the pirates would only attack ships that Goldman had already shorted.

"...Essentially, we were functioning as investment bankers, only every day was casual Friday," he said.

The pirate acknowledged that they had merged their operations with Goldman in late 2008 to take advantage of the more relaxed regulations governing bankers as opposed to pirates, and also to get their share of the bailout money.

In the aftermath of the shocking revelations, government prosecutors were scrambling to see if they still had a case against the Somali pirates, who would now be treated as bankers in the eyes of the law.

"There are lots of laws that could bring these guys down if they were, in fact, pirates," one government source said "but if theyre bankers, our hands are tied."